The Mind-Reader's Memoirs

One of the things that really bothers me about some of the people in my life is that they constantly depend on others to make them happy. I’ve realized recently that we (human beings in general) are each ultimately responsible for our own satisfaction, happiness, and fulfillment. If you’re not happy with something, change it. If you’re not willing to/can’t change it, then don’t complain about it so much, because that only makes it worse.

Maybe I’m being insensitive, but (by way of example) if you miss someone, then contact them. Don’t sit there and moan about how much you miss them and how sad you are and wait for them to call you. Take charge, take ownership, and pursue happiness!

As William Ernest Henley wrote, “I am the master of my fate/I am the captain of my soul.” Don’t ride through life in the passenger seat, take the wheel and make your own path.

- Newly single Jason (me) puts on a swimsuit and a tank top for a beach-themed party, and is looking sexy as shit.
- Jason pregames.
- Jason goes to party and gets drunk.
- Jason starts getting the eyes from a guy (hereafter known as Boy) who, beneath the vodka goggles, looks half decent.
- Boy gets up close and personal with Jason on the couch.
- Jason makes out with Boy, and decides to leave with him.
- Back at Boy’s room, making out continues.
- Pants come off, and Jason realizes Boy does not manscape. (turn off #1).
- Jason blows Boy, and has his gag reflex tested repetitively.
- Boy takes WAY too long to finish (turn off #2).
- Boy is too rough with Jason’s nipples (turn off #3).
- Boy sucks at blowjobs. (turn off #4).
- Jason finishes and Boy fails to keep it in his mouth: cum goes half in his mouth, half on Jason’s stomach (turn off #5).
- Jason begins looking for clothes, Boy tries to continue making out.
- Boy tries to get Jason to cuddle/sleep over after a ridiculously subpar hookup. (turn off #6).
- Boy is surprised when Jason leaves (turn off #7).
- Jason goes to his own room to rinse off the disappointment and sleep in his own bed.

Yup. One-night stands are a hit or miss…and this one was a total miss. But here’s a couple ground rules for those drunken hook-ups.
1. Listen to they when they tell you what they want you to do.
2. Tell them what you want them to do.
3. Don’t expect someone to sleep over unless they either actually like you, or find you really attractive and want to possibly go at it in the morning.
4. Don’t blame your clumsiness at fellatio/sex on intoxication when the other person clearly knows that you just have no clue what the fuck you’re doing. Take ownership.
5. Take ultimate responsibility for your own pleasure/happiness.
6. Don’t expect the full package if you’re not giving them what they want/like.

Among MANY others. Single Jason is back with a vengeance and taking no prisoners.

Is that Nicki’s diss tracks are speakin to my soul right now. Roman’s Revenge, Stupid Hoe, Did It On ‘Em, Beez in the Trap…I wish I wish I wish I wish I wish a bitch wouuuuuuuuuld!!!!

…that the people who are supposed to love me and care about me would show they give a flying fuck. Why am I always the one trying to fix relationships, trying to correct misunderstandings, initiating those “tough conversations,” and apologizing? Even when I can’t think of a single thing I did wrong? When do I get to take a break from being “the bigger person?” Cuz that shit is not easy.